Whether the Weather is Normal
- Compliments and Complaints, good morning. How may I direct your call?
- Um, I don't know, uh, the weather is just really weird.
- One moment, please hold.
Muzak.
- Curses and Miracles. This is Vanessa speaking, how may I help you?
- Oh I don't know if this is the right department.
- What seems to be the problem, Miss?
- I prefer Ms.
- Of course you do, all single women over a certain age do. Now what can I do for you today, Miss?
- I'm not single. I simply refuse to be define by my marital status.
- Very good, that is a complaint for the Lamenting Feminist Department, please hold while I redirect your call.
- No! Wait!
Muzak.
- Lamenting Feminists and Other Whiny Liberal Leftist Commie Pinkos. This Sandy speaking, how may I help you?
- I was just going to file a complaint about the weather but I might toss in a line or two about the backlash while I am at it.
- Will that be regarding women's rights, worker's rights or the environment?
- Uh, ok, the Icelandic Minister of Finance appointed four men and no woman to the committee for financial development, just weeks after he appointed yet another man to the Supreme Court even though there were equally qualified women to choose from. There are 7 men and two women serving. That sucks!
- Yes it does. Anything else I can help you with today, miss?
- Well don't you think that is wrong?
- Yes, is there anything else I can do for you, miss?
- Stop calling me miss, prefer Ms.
- Of course you do, all single women over a certain age do.
- No that is not it, I am married, oh for heaven's sake, never mind. The weather is being really weird.
- One moment, please hold while I re-direct your call.
Muzak.
- Curses and Miracles. This is Vanessa speaking. How may I help you?
- Hi Vanessa, we spoke just a minute ago. (pause) Hello?
- Hello. How may I help you today, miss?
- It is snowing. And really cold. Like minus 1 degrees Celsius. Isn't...
- Pardon me for interrupting miss, we use Fahrenheit only on the Heaven Hotline, could you convert that please?
- Oh I think it is like uh, 29 degrees?
- Ahem. And what is your problem with that miss?
- Well it is only October 18th. Isn't that like a month early?
- Where are you calling from?
- Iceland.
- One moment please.
Muzak.
- Hello Miss?
- Yes I am still here.
- Now first let me say that this isn't really the right department for your complaint. Next time ask for "Weather related avenges of biblical proportions" department. But I decided to pull the file on Iceland for you as a favor. According to the computer that weather is correct.
- Really?
- Yes. 60% of first born children in your country are born out of wedlock. You have state run health care and free abortion. We have decided to start the "Smack'em over the head with freaky weather process" early to get folks on the straight and narrow.
- Oh.
- Now will there be anything else, miss?
- Ah. No. No thank you.
- Thank you for calling The Heaven Hotline and have a heavenly day!
- Um, I don't know, uh, the weather is just really weird.
- One moment, please hold.
Muzak.
- Curses and Miracles. This is Vanessa speaking, how may I help you?
- Oh I don't know if this is the right department.
- What seems to be the problem, Miss?
- I prefer Ms.
- Of course you do, all single women over a certain age do. Now what can I do for you today, Miss?
- I'm not single. I simply refuse to be define by my marital status.
- Very good, that is a complaint for the Lamenting Feminist Department, please hold while I redirect your call.
- No! Wait!
Muzak.
- Lamenting Feminists and Other Whiny Liberal Leftist Commie Pinkos. This Sandy speaking, how may I help you?
- I was just going to file a complaint about the weather but I might toss in a line or two about the backlash while I am at it.
- Will that be regarding women's rights, worker's rights or the environment?
- Uh, ok, the Icelandic Minister of Finance appointed four men and no woman to the committee for financial development, just weeks after he appointed yet another man to the Supreme Court even though there were equally qualified women to choose from. There are 7 men and two women serving. That sucks!
- Yes it does. Anything else I can help you with today, miss?
- Well don't you think that is wrong?
- Yes, is there anything else I can do for you, miss?
- Stop calling me miss, prefer Ms.
- Of course you do, all single women over a certain age do.
- No that is not it, I am married, oh for heaven's sake, never mind. The weather is being really weird.
- One moment, please hold while I re-direct your call.
Muzak.
- Curses and Miracles. This is Vanessa speaking. How may I help you?
- Hi Vanessa, we spoke just a minute ago. (pause) Hello?
- Hello. How may I help you today, miss?
- It is snowing. And really cold. Like minus 1 degrees Celsius. Isn't...
- Pardon me for interrupting miss, we use Fahrenheit only on the Heaven Hotline, could you convert that please?
- Oh I think it is like uh, 29 degrees?
- Ahem. And what is your problem with that miss?
- Well it is only October 18th. Isn't that like a month early?
- Where are you calling from?
- Iceland.
- One moment please.
Muzak.
- Hello Miss?
- Yes I am still here.
- Now first let me say that this isn't really the right department for your complaint. Next time ask for "Weather related avenges of biblical proportions" department. But I decided to pull the file on Iceland for you as a favor. According to the computer that weather is correct.
- Really?
- Yes. 60% of first born children in your country are born out of wedlock. You have state run health care and free abortion. We have decided to start the "Smack'em over the head with freaky weather process" early to get folks on the straight and narrow.
- Oh.
- Now will there be anything else, miss?
- Ah. No. No thank you.
- Thank you for calling The Heaven Hotline and have a heavenly day!
posted by disinterpreter at 1:54 PM
4 Comments:
What a brilliant piece of satire, Elin! Our rights are in danger of being eroded in Europe as well. In September I took the unprecedented step of personally congratulating an MEP on his speech during the debate on the Borndiep and the Portuguese government’s heavy-handed reaction to it entering the country’s territorial waters. The text deserves to be reproduced in full:
[Michael] Cashman (PSE). – Mr President, I find it somewhat ironic that all of the men who have spoken on the other side of this House have had the temerity to tell women what they should do with their bodies. I am proud to stand here and defend a woman's right to choose. That is fundamentally what this is about. It is about choice. It is about informed choice. I find it sad that there are people in this House who want to imprison citizens and women, in ignorance.
This is about a fundamental freedom, with the focus on abortion, a highly emotive subject. It is easy for you to try and divert this debate, but it must not be diverted. It is about fundamental freedoms: freedom of information; freedom of movement; freedom of expression; and it is about intolerance. That is why I am proud to stand here and say that if we allow this to happen in Portugal, what happens when there is another government that has another view about opinions that are different from their own? What happens then? If we stand here and do nothing, we condone these undemocratic attitudes.
I have heard religion mentioned. I am very sad. I see the fingers of the Vatican all over this. Women need no lectures from men in frocks, telling them what they should do with their bodies.
(Applause from the left)
Please keep your religion out of our lives and please keep it out of politics. If we could separate politics and religion, I tell you now that the world would be a safer and better place in which to live.
(Applause from the left)
I condemn the actions of the Portuguese Government and I urge this House to do likewise. This issue goes to the heart of Europe. Ours is a Europe based not on suppression of information or repression, but on fundamental freedoms and human rights. The actions of the Portuguese Government must not and will not go unchallenged.
Finally, as I said previously, this is about informed choice as opposed to enforced ignorance. Therefore I call on the Commission to act in its capacity as guardian of the Treaties and the fundamental rights enshrined in those Treaties.
Terrifying. You've just described my job (at least, what was my job before getting a promotion). I work in customer service for Australia Post. We get calls from all kinds of f***wits. And I kid you not, they sound like this post.
- Sorry sir, you posted this parcel to Rwanda with a non-track-and-trace service, that means we have no record of it.
- What can I do now, then?
- Nothing, sir.
- But what can I do?
- NOTHING SIR!!!
grrrrrrr
I am terrified of the comments made by certain members of the EU these days. We must remember that our rights are very fragile and we must not stop safe guarding them as if they were the most valuable thing we have. Time to get religion as far out of politics as we possibly can.
Hi there Elin, I had been out looking for some new information on relationships when I found your site and this post. Though not just what I was searching for, it drew my attention. An interesting post and I thank you for it.
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