Brave New Words!

The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changingone letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's winners:
1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in thefruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:
18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

This segment of Locked in the Fridge was brought to you via Finnish TV.

Dude, where is my Coffee?

There has been a radical change, one that I'm not really sure I appreciate.
It used to be that The Husband would get up before me and make me coffee in the morning. I would awake to the sweet click-click of my cup being placed on my bedside table.
In the old apartment the kitchen was ten steps from the bed, only five steps from bathroom. Often we would place the alarm on the kitchen table so that we have to get up, from there the three steps to the water kettle were certainly not too bad.

Enter Luxury Problem No. 1. The kitchen in the new apartment is on what could be described on the first level and bedroom is on what could be described as the third, this sounds way way bigger than it actually is, however the kitchen is now at least 27 steps from The husband's side of the bed, 11 of those are going down the furry staircase. Quick explanation of the furry staircase: previous owner had put in fab super shaggy carpet. However it requires rigorous cleaning that we are not likely to provide. Too bad really, since I fall down stairs quite a bit. From the staircase there are 9 steps to the water kettle. Getting out of bed therefore is no longer merely a matter of turning off the alarm. First of all the alarm is in the bedroom, we can't have it in the kitchen since we wouldn't hear it, which means that lately there has been a lot of turning off/hitting snooze & going back to sleep. Secondly the idea of getting up and going all the way downstairs seems overwhelming. Especially when it is still dark out at 9.30.

Enter Luxury Problem No. 2. How to get perfectly nice Husband to get up and make coffee? I cannot nudge him and tell him to make coffee because:
a. I should refrain from speaking pre-coffee, doing so to The Husband would probably result in divorce faster than you can spot a Starbuck's in Seattle. Not because he sensitive or aggressive but because I am that horrific.
b. After I nudge him, I would be awake and aware and would feel guilty hearing him making the coffee.
c. After I nudge him, I would be awake and aware and the pleasure of being awakened by coffee is gone.

We are the French Press coffee type. I mean both of us detest filter coffee (except when my grandpa makes it, go figure) thus a coffee maker with a timer is out of the question.
Harrumph.