Family Values
Growing up, I was one of two pupils in my year at school whose parents were divorced. We lived in a small town and in those days it simply wasn't done. Later, in my teens, we had not only moved to a bigger city where it was much more common, but also there seemed to be a veritable divorce wind sweeping through my friends' homes.
But for a couple of years in elementary school I was certainly an anomaly. As for my own remembrance of the divorce it really wasn't at all bad, I don't think I really thought about it. Until other people would talk to me about it. Other people being well meaning grown ups who thought it was horrible that I was from a broken home. Perhaps they were scared that I would bring some unsavory element to their well organized lives?
While I certainly did not have a fairy tale childhood, I am convinced that there were much more sinister things going on in those "un-divorced" households than in my mess of a home. Yet I was often made to feel like I should be ashamed of my family simply because my parents had gotten a divorce.
I cannot help but think of this when I hear people talk about family values and morals. We have such a stagnant idea of what a family is that we reject those who break that pattern. A child who is made to feel ashamed about their background and family will be hurt and probably will be troubled at some point, but not for the reasons that the morally correct would believe. Children are often remarkably perceptive, if we pass judgment on the choices of others so will they. A child who is constantly told how bad their family is, will certainly start to think so.
How dare we pass judgment on single parents/gay parents/divorced parents etc? How dare we claim that a family cannot be good and loving and nurturing simply because it fails to fit into a ridiculous mold that is not only outdated, but probably never existed to begin with?
I am indeed concerned for the moral fabric of people who are unable to see the damage they inflict on young lives with their judgmental behavior.
But for a couple of years in elementary school I was certainly an anomaly. As for my own remembrance of the divorce it really wasn't at all bad, I don't think I really thought about it. Until other people would talk to me about it. Other people being well meaning grown ups who thought it was horrible that I was from a broken home. Perhaps they were scared that I would bring some unsavory element to their well organized lives?
While I certainly did not have a fairy tale childhood, I am convinced that there were much more sinister things going on in those "un-divorced" households than in my mess of a home. Yet I was often made to feel like I should be ashamed of my family simply because my parents had gotten a divorce.
I cannot help but think of this when I hear people talk about family values and morals. We have such a stagnant idea of what a family is that we reject those who break that pattern. A child who is made to feel ashamed about their background and family will be hurt and probably will be troubled at some point, but not for the reasons that the morally correct would believe. Children are often remarkably perceptive, if we pass judgment on the choices of others so will they. A child who is constantly told how bad their family is, will certainly start to think so.
How dare we pass judgment on single parents/gay parents/divorced parents etc? How dare we claim that a family cannot be good and loving and nurturing simply because it fails to fit into a ridiculous mold that is not only outdated, but probably never existed to begin with?
I am indeed concerned for the moral fabric of people who are unable to see the damage they inflict on young lives with their judgmental behavior.
posted by disinterpreter at 3:54 PM
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