Whatever the Noise is that Cows Make
Because, unbelievable but true, someone did it again! That makes three in less than six months. Un-friggin-believable.
Once again I was asked if I was preggers! I thought I would be in the clear for a while now that one of my cousins is in the family way.
But No!
It makes me want to go tie my tubes. Just so that I could say people; "Pregnant, me? Oh, no I had my tubes tied."
And then watch as they scramble for the next comment.
A couple of days later I was trying on jeans. It is very hard to feel the unconditional love for my body that I normally feel while trying on a pair of jeans.
According to most major jeans manufacturers my legs are short, which I would argue that they are not, even though I am on the shorter side of average. However, short is relative, I mean, compared to 500 million Chinese women I am probably quite tallish.
Also, according to major jeans manufacturers, my lovely pear shaped is huge, which I find hard to believe since my BMI is 23.5.
And lately, I have been sleeping way too much, with crazy fatigue setting in around two and lasting all night. I even fell asleep during the short meditation following yoga. Like, totally crashed. I fear I may have snored.
Ergo, I am a cow, all I am good for is producing offspring, sleeping and not wearing jeans. Which we all know are the distinctive features of cows.
Once again I was asked if I was preggers! I thought I would be in the clear for a while now that one of my cousins is in the family way.
But No!
It makes me want to go tie my tubes. Just so that I could say people; "Pregnant, me? Oh, no I had my tubes tied."
And then watch as they scramble for the next comment.
A couple of days later I was trying on jeans. It is very hard to feel the unconditional love for my body that I normally feel while trying on a pair of jeans.
According to most major jeans manufacturers my legs are short, which I would argue that they are not, even though I am on the shorter side of average. However, short is relative, I mean, compared to 500 million Chinese women I am probably quite tallish.
Also, according to major jeans manufacturers, my lovely pear shaped is huge, which I find hard to believe since my BMI is 23.5.
And lately, I have been sleeping way too much, with crazy fatigue setting in around two and lasting all night. I even fell asleep during the short meditation following yoga. Like, totally crashed. I fear I may have snored.
Ergo, I am a cow, all I am good for is producing offspring, sleeping and not wearing jeans. Which we all know are the distinctive features of cows.
posted by disinterpreter at 8:56 AM
3 Comments:
One afternoon when I had to drop in on the secretary she smiled sweetly and congratulated me. I was puzzled for a moment and joked about how if I had been in the family way it would have been the immaculate conception! She was extremely embarrassed and, although I shrugged it off it smarted. I can always tell when I have been losing weight as people give up their seats for me in public transport! Roll on the menopause when I can just sag comfortably into my middle-age spread (prematurely acquired following the birth of my son).
:)
GWARGH! It just seems so bizarre to mention it, or ask, unless the person brings it up themselves.
hmm... this reminds me of once, after a class i said i had an announcement to make, and one of my co-students, in too great of a zeal, announced with a big smile, You're pregnant!! I actually felt great compassion towards him, as i knew that he was about to become very embarrassed and discombobulated as soon as he had realized the extent of his faux pas... ;)
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