You heard it here first folks; I am NOT pregnant.
And I have never been.
But for some reason people feel free to ask me that anyway.
Most recently, last Friday when we attended a super trendy party on a whale watching vessel, a perfectly nice woman asked me when I was due.
Let me clear up some things:
Firstly, we are incredibly non-trendy people and we rarely make it past the video rental place on a Friday night, so the fact that we were at a trendy party was a rare occurence that I was trying hard to enjoy.
Secondly, I was not wearing a princess cut dress (the kind the stops right below the boobs and flows freely from there, creating a larger waist area which makes any woman with larger than A-cup sized breasts look knocked up).
As I was trapped on a boat outside Reykjavik I could not run home and hide under the bed which, frankly, was what I wanted to do. I don't have terrible body image issues but that made me feel obese. At 165 cm (5'5") and 60 kg (132 lbs) I am fairly normal I would think, no? But truthfully, if I gain the smallest amount of weight, like 2kg (ca 4 lbs) and commit the horror of seeming happy at the same time, people start asking me if I am pregnant.
See, last Friday was not the first time somebody did that. Before our wedding some three years ago, I was happy and had gained a little weight. Suddenly, "Ask Elin if she is pregnant" was the new parlor game. At work and among the family. Finally, during Christmas dinner, when about three people chimed in and insisted that I was pregnant, I put my foot, and fork, down.
"No! The blushing bride is just a fatty lard ass, ok! Now shut up and pass the gravy!" Later that week, in tears, I asked The Grouch* to buy me a corset. Amazingly, she conquered the weirdness of girdle-shopping for another woman and bought me Something Blue.
My only problem with this is that it makes me feel fat. Other women might have additional predicaments, though. For example, if someone has problems concieving, has had a miscarriage or had to go through an abortion.
The issue of pregnancy is a private and intimate one. It is not always good news as much as we would all like to welcome every new human. Also the very decision to become a parent is a great and important one. When quizzing about pregnancy one is also enquiring about a great deal of other things.
I would put the "Are you pregnant?" - or as the woman on the boat put it "When are you due?"-questions in the same category as the following:
"When are you gonna leave that boyfriend of yours?"
"How much money do you have in your pension fund?"
"How come your career isn't taking off?"
Not terrible, but something that might be approached with more tact. Or at least with pre-emptive finesse:
"Do you feel like he is The One for you?"
"Are you taking steps to secure your future?"
"Are you happy doing what you do?"
"Do you see yourself having a family?" would be one way of doing it. Or, like my aunt, you could just dream about us having a kid and then call me up and tell me all about how cute our future daughter is.
I could continue the list of incidents when people have asked me if I am preggers. It spans eras and continents. Strangers, friends and family all seem to think that it is ok. Once, a doctor even convinced me that my back pain stemmed from a pregnancy even though it meant that I would have to have been eight months along...two weeks later, after a number of pregancy tests, the same doc sent me to the ER to with acute appendicitis, not noticing the HUGE scar on my stomach indicating that my useless organ had already been removed. She is no longer my doctor.
Well, tell you what. If it ever happens, if we decide to go forth and procreate, unleashing the mix of our genes on the unsuspecting world, I'll let you all know - so there is no need to ask.
But for some reason people feel free to ask me that anyway.
Most recently, last Friday when we attended a super trendy party on a whale watching vessel, a perfectly nice woman asked me when I was due.
Let me clear up some things:
Firstly, we are incredibly non-trendy people and we rarely make it past the video rental place on a Friday night, so the fact that we were at a trendy party was a rare occurence that I was trying hard to enjoy.
Secondly, I was not wearing a princess cut dress (the kind the stops right below the boobs and flows freely from there, creating a larger waist area which makes any woman with larger than A-cup sized breasts look knocked up).
As I was trapped on a boat outside Reykjavik I could not run home and hide under the bed which, frankly, was what I wanted to do. I don't have terrible body image issues but that made me feel obese. At 165 cm (5'5") and 60 kg (132 lbs) I am fairly normal I would think, no? But truthfully, if I gain the smallest amount of weight, like 2kg (ca 4 lbs) and commit the horror of seeming happy at the same time, people start asking me if I am pregnant.
See, last Friday was not the first time somebody did that. Before our wedding some three years ago, I was happy and had gained a little weight. Suddenly, "Ask Elin if she is pregnant" was the new parlor game. At work and among the family. Finally, during Christmas dinner, when about three people chimed in and insisted that I was pregnant, I put my foot, and fork, down.
"No! The blushing bride is just a fatty lard ass, ok! Now shut up and pass the gravy!" Later that week, in tears, I asked The Grouch* to buy me a corset. Amazingly, she conquered the weirdness of girdle-shopping for another woman and bought me Something Blue.
My only problem with this is that it makes me feel fat. Other women might have additional predicaments, though. For example, if someone has problems concieving, has had a miscarriage or had to go through an abortion.
The issue of pregnancy is a private and intimate one. It is not always good news as much as we would all like to welcome every new human. Also the very decision to become a parent is a great and important one. When quizzing about pregnancy one is also enquiring about a great deal of other things.
I would put the "Are you pregnant?" - or as the woman on the boat put it "When are you due?"-questions in the same category as the following:
"When are you gonna leave that boyfriend of yours?"
"How much money do you have in your pension fund?"
"How come your career isn't taking off?"
Not terrible, but something that might be approached with more tact. Or at least with pre-emptive finesse:
"Do you feel like he is The One for you?"
"Are you taking steps to secure your future?"
"Are you happy doing what you do?"
"Do you see yourself having a family?" would be one way of doing it. Or, like my aunt, you could just dream about us having a kid and then call me up and tell me all about how cute our future daughter is.
I could continue the list of incidents when people have asked me if I am preggers. It spans eras and continents. Strangers, friends and family all seem to think that it is ok. Once, a doctor even convinced me that my back pain stemmed from a pregnancy even though it meant that I would have to have been eight months along...two weeks later, after a number of pregancy tests, the same doc sent me to the ER to with acute appendicitis, not noticing the HUGE scar on my stomach indicating that my useless organ had already been removed. She is no longer my doctor.
Well, tell you what. If it ever happens, if we decide to go forth and procreate, unleashing the mix of our genes on the unsuspecting world, I'll let you all know - so there is no need to ask.
posted by disinterpreter at 10:47 PM
7 Comments:
Congratulations on your new blog, only three posts and we're already hooked :-)
I completely understand your situation. I've been married for seven years, and I'm so sick of the one, "when are you two going to start having children?". I just really want to say, "it's none of your #@$!!! business!", but you have to be polite. From now on, I've decided to answer in a way that they'll never ask again by saying, "we've tried and discovered I'm not able to have children." Is that evil?
I think telling someone you are not capable of having kids isn't really evil. More like making somebody face the fact that they are pressing an issue that could be sensitive. One could always say "I am not sure I can have children", and leave it fuzzy and open.
Heaven forbid one would opt not to have children. I swear, that would be right up there with disliking dogs and kicking old people...
...oh and thank you so much for the compliment, Snowbabies! Since I am so new at this I haven't really figured out the proper blog etiquette, such as receiving blog comments.
I have been there also, and if you say something vague like "I'm not sure I can have any" it opens it up to more probing "why" questions and queries into the state of your fertility. Or they try to reccommend things to do, like see such-and-such doctor. I prefer a more direct refusal with a not so polite rejoinder like, "No, I'm not pregnant and thanks for bring us such a sensitive subject." Like you said in your post, it is not polite to ask.
Welcome to the blogosphere, your first few posts are great.
Yes, what is it about pregnancy that makes people feel that they can but in? To me, pregnancy should be dealt with the same amount of reverence as the act of making babies. I mean people don't feel free to tell a man 'oh you look so happy, you must be getting some good...' or do they?
That happened to me too!!!! Made me want to kick them in the shins. Apparently, a certain outfit of mine, which I and my husband both agree is pretty adorable regardless, makes me look about 6 months along to some people.
You're right - It's nobody's business. I've found that an innocent, "Why do you ask?" usually makes them stammer and change the subject.
Great blog, by the way!!
Post a Comment
<< Home